Noticing

December 2024

Hello Friends,

This is my last blog for 2024 and as you can tell from the date, I have been dragging my heels on getting it out. My own email inbox has been running at about 40% over what I normally get in my inbox with retailer ad emails. Getting unsubscribed is always a bloggers fear. 

I had lunch with a dear friend the other day and she said, “Everything feels SO heavy this holiday.” Oh gosh yes. I don't know if it's my usual SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), or holiday sadness that my dad passed on to me. I suffer from huge waves of sadness and grief from the week before Thanksgiving to the day after Christmas. 

This year it just feels like there is just a lot more going on in the world to be dismayed about. I am endeavoring to lead with curiosity to better understand. My mantra every day has been “be kind”.  Don't get upset, just “be kind”.

Some days are easier than others. I posted on a Seattle foodie Facebook page that a great, North End Jewish deli was in danger of closing. This was due to a huge, unexpected repair bill due to break in their oven and then having to be closed for four days during the bomb cyclone with no power. We forget what razor thin margins small business operate on and in the food business it is very precarious. So I simply stated the fact and encouraged people to support Zilbersteins, if they could. The first comment was a person asking if I was pro-genocide. Oh FFS. No dude, I am pro bagel. The page facilitator jumped right in and removed his comment which was not within community guidelines but it was too late. He went to my work Facebook page and reported me for hate speech and tried to get my page taken down. Oof. Seriously dude? Get a life. This is why I keep my Diane Terry Coach page non public. You must send a friend request to join it.

The one thing I have resisted all year has been AI. It seems to me that if I subscribe to someone it is because I want to hear their unique point of view, their voice. Not something AI generated. But with each growing day, I seem to be in the minority on this topic, so it's at the top of my must learn list for 2025. A recent conversation with my mom about cancelling her rotary phone and just using her cell phone got me thinking about what I'm clinging to or digging in my heels about changing. AI was at the top of the list. There are other things on the list but that is the biggie. 

How about you? Are you someone who contemplates what you need to work on and let go at certain times of the year? I heard that for a majority of people there is something psychologically helpful in beginning a project or goal on a significant date or time. For some it is January 1, for some it is September, with the school year. For others they follow the fiscal calendar for corporations. Whatever it is for you, if you want an extra boost, this is something to consider. 

So back to the Happy Holidays. If the thought of the holidays makes you tighten up, panic or give you dread, here are some things to consider.

Be true to yourself and only celebrate what makes sense to you. I have many friends who decorate lavishly and can out do Martha Stewart when it comes to holiday decorating. I can appreciate the beauty and the joy it brings them. I decided when I moved homes & downsized, that I was done with the tree and the holiday hoopla. It gives me the same cringe that a clown in the horror movies gives. 

Instead, I like to skip from a wonderful Thanksgiving gathering with a traditional menu to a low-key Christmas which is more about the meal and just a few gifts and stockings. I appreciate the brief lull we enjoy between Christmas and New Years by listening to music, eating holiday foods, reading a book or two, and sleeping in past 5 a.m. Then I love the idea of New Years. I'm a big fan of a clean slate, a new beginning. A chance for a do better or a do over! 

Slow down and experience awe this season. Whether it's a walk outside, the joy of hearing laughter of loved ones, or watching the birds in the bird bath. Awe is all around us but we must quiet ourselves to really see.

Take inventory of what really matters for you right now. Some of you will not have that luxury because you are parenting or caring for elders. You have many competing priorities and expectations and demands put upon you. But sometimes drawing a boundary and putting yourself first for just a moment is a powerful lesson to teach your children. You cannot keep drinking from an empty well. So, whatever it is that replenishes you, plan for that in your busy schedule. 

As I teach about a lot in my coaching—understand your own rhythm. I'm an introvert. I know I cannot plan three consecutive days of socializing. I won't enjoy it. I won't be the best version of myself. So, I'm ever mindful of what time there is and who gets it. Stop rushing about, overextending and meeting what you perceive to be everyone else's expectation. Make sure you can look on your calendar and see pockets of reflection and renewal.

I love a writer named Mary Wilmer who co-founded Gratitude Perks. Here is my riff on what she basically has to say. 

1.   Trust your instincts about what you need.  Break from tradition when it serves your well-being.

2.   Simplify your celebrations. K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple, Silly! Often joy is found in simplicity. For me this means one wreath, one garland and after Christmas two dozen apricot amaryllis & magnolia leaves or one hundred white peonies to bring in the new year. 

3.   Set loving boundaries. Last year my daughter could not quite believe that I truly meant no tree, no gifts. I know she was terribly disappointed. But I see that this year she has taken it upon herself to get her own tree and exterior lights and whatever else brings her joy!  

4.   Embrace creativity. Infuse the holidays with a new way to connect. I'm hoping to learn to bake some cookies I've been eyeing on Pinterest. It might not seem like much, but it has been way too long since I have spent any time in the kitchen. 

5.  Prioritize rest and reflection. Do any of you have a friend you follow on social media who wears you out just watching them at the frenetic pace they live their lives? Be still. All the magic happens when you are still. 

6.  Create your own traditions. Traditions do not have to be expensive or elaborate. The one thing I'll do forever is put out my western grandmother's cut crystal candy dishes and fill them with jewel tone foil wrapped Quality Street chocolates. The chocolates are Nestle, so barely edible. But I will forever remember seeing them in her candy dishes when I visited her in Seattle for the first time when I was eight years old. She put her fingers to her lips to say, “Shhh…this is our secret” and stuffed my coat pockets with the jewel tone treasures. I can still remember her ivory, powdered make up and little circles of rouge. Her hair was always worn up in a French chignon. For some reason the dress she wore is seared in my memory as it had a chocolate brown, velvet bodice and silk skirt with something underneath that made a swishing sound whenever she walked. She always had a twinkle in her eyes when she looked at me, like she couldn't quite believe I was real. She held my hands a lot, sitting next to me at dinner. She smelled like a movie star, all the time. In fact, it was Shalimar that she wore. It takes me right back to her living room with the candy dishes. Just like the smell of freesias takes me right back to my Japanese grandmother. 

The one tradition I add is a celadon green bowl that was made by my friend, Valerie, in Michigan. It is beautiful in its simple and elegant lines and I always fill it with Seattle Chocolates. Yes, this is the same bowl from which Grand Pup Gus ate an entire bag of chocolates and had to be rushed to the vet one year. Now we know it has to be placed up high and out of reach.       

7.  Focus on experiences vs material things. Enough said. SO true. Although, I am never opposed to a cashmere sweater or two. 

8.  Stay flexible. Things usually don't always go according to plan. So learn to pivot gracefully. Don't be rigid. 

Thanks for reading and supporting my side venture of coaching. It has been so deeply fulfilling for me. When people ask, “How many people do you coach at one time”? My response is, “As many as my heart can hold with the care and attention needed”. I have found that I love offering workshops and the biggest surprise is that I have found myself beginning to love public speaking. There is nothing more rewarding than my brand new coaching client saying to me, “I was mesmerized by what you had to say at the E3 conference. I felt I could really relate to you and wanted to learn from you.”  So, yay! Yes to much more of that in 2025.

May your holiday, however you celebrate, be filled with magical moments of awe and an appreciation for the simple but beautiful things in life. I am so grateful to have you as a reader. 

XOXO,

Coach Diane