March 2025
Hello Friends,
I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I really cannot believe how quickly this year is already flying by! Every week, every day has been chock full of things that need to be done, thought of, attended to.
I made a decision to sit out my most favorite gathering of Real Estate agents and it gave me the most FOMO I have ever experienced. I had to make an adult decision about my health, my mother’s 90th birthday and some other things that made it feel like I had to do the “right thing” which is quite often not always the “easy thing”.
The silver lining was that I had so many moments during those days where people I knew, who were there, took time out to say I was missed or overheard someone saying how much they wished I could be there. It made me think a lot more deeply about the meaning of thoughtfulness. I think that it is a form of noticing beyond your own feelings what someone else might be experiencing.
I am going to go out on a limb and share with you something that has shaped who I am today. I grew up as an only child who was content to be alone, an introvert not comfortable in settings of more than two, and having a self-limiting belief of being constantly asked while growing up, “who do you think you are?”, any time I wanted to try something new. Because of this I built myself a safe comfortable box.
My more recent becoming has been a lot of challenging myself to live beyond my comfort zone and break down my own understandings of myself. I’ve been learning to allow myself to trust women who I have historically avoided like the plague. I’ve been learning to really understand the cadence of a day and week, and to give myself ample time for recovery between times of putting myself out there or in the company of many. By better understanding myself, I allow myself to be more present for those around me.
I recently read an excellent article in Simplify magazine by Shasta Nelson titled The 3 Requirements of Every Friendship. Shasta states that for every healthy relationship she has ever experienced the following three requirements have always been present. Positivity, Consistency and Vulnerability.
Positivity
Positivity when practiced, leaves us satisfied. We all want more moments that are filled with laughter, joy, pride and affirmation. I am literally repulsed by whining. It serves very little and is so unattractive. Our home has always been a No Whine Zone. State what bugs you but please do follow it up with what you are going to do about it. When you meet up with someone do you find yourself walking back to your car feeling warm and fuzzy or wishing you had stayed home and given yourself a pedicure and face mask? Choose wisely. Do you feel prioritized, accepted and supported.
In what ways do I bring positive emotions to my friendships?
How do I leave people feeling after they have met me?
How do I make sure my friends know I love and value them?
How do I add joy to the moments when I’m with friends?
Consistency
Consistency = safety. For a friendship to develop, there has to be repetition. Being in relationship with someone implies an ongoing connection, a thread that keeps us joined, a belief that we will interact again.
Consistency is the action of replicating time together. As we add up the hours, stir in memories and practice connecting in various ways, we compound the opportunities to be seen and known.
The prioritization of time, the creation of history and the belief that there is more to come in the future drives us to a greater bond.
Mel Robbins speaks of how dang hard it is to make friends as adults. We don’t have the commonality of shared time and space that we did in childhood, high school and college, other than in our work place. Adult friendships take an equal amount of effort and grace.
- In what ways do I encourage consistency in my friendships?
- What events do I attend regularly?
- Do my friends feel that I prioritize them?
- Do I frequently check in with my friends?
- How do I enjoy spending time with my friends?
Consistency leads to familiarity but we also need a third component for a relationship to have depth.
Vulnerability
When we practice vulnerability, we feel seen. In sharing our opinions, ideas and preferences you eventually are building up to, “they know me pretty well and still love me anyway”.
We all crave a sense of feeling connected. Vulnerability is not disclosure about our deepest, darkest secrets. It’s more about authenticity, empathy, curiosity and courage. It is a lot about showing up more. Showing up with honesty and hope when morale is down, showing up with courage and resilience when change is inevitable, showing up with kindness and clarity when hard conversations beckon.
- In what ways do I bring vulnerability to my friendships?
- Do I pay attention to ensure that both of us have ample opportunities to share?
- Do I listen well and strive to leave them feeling good about their share?
- Do I open up about my own life and reveal pieces of who I am?
“A friendship is any relationship where two people feel seen in a safe and satisfying way.”
Shasta Nelson
For the past five years, I have been intentionally working on my female friendships. I cheer my girlfriends on wholeheartedly and loudly. Be it buying 77 copies of a book they published, being one of the first to sign up for an amazing workshop they announce, or saying yes, whole heartedly, when they ask me come speak to their office, I show up the way I want others to show up for me. When they say they need me I am all in.
And guess what happens? When I announce my own workshop that I have poured my heart into for over two years, they are the first to be ALL IN. To say how touched I am is an understatement. Here is what I learned this past week. When someone puts their heart on the line, you want to show up for them first and loud. It matters. Trust me.
Speaking of workshops I have poured my heart into, if you are a real estate professional I am hosting a Transitions IQ Class on April 24th. I will share with you the lessons I have learned on how to make your business more resilient to change. If you want an early bird special, you have till March 5.
I have had so many requests from you to share what books have caught my eye.
(I’ve included links to my local bookshop and I encourage you to support your local small businesses.)
I am currently reading Sahil Bloom’s 5 Types of Wealth. I have followed Sahil for some time and I think he is so wise for being so young. I love him. You might too.
My friend, Phillipa Leseberg, has just debuted her first novel, His Name is Eric. This is about her late husband’s cancer journey. She shares with us one of her most valuable lessons: “Asking for help is not a sign of weakness - it is a bridge to resilience.” I am sure you will find many, many more lessons in this beautiful book.
Someone asked, what book did you buy 77 copies of? Well. That would be Valerie Garcia’s book We’re Gonna Need Cake. Show up first and loudly remember?
Lastly I have pre-ordered Yung Pueblo’s new book, How to Love Better, that comes out March 11. I consider Yung to be a prophet of our time. I think during these dark days, we need to lead with love no matter what else is going on and no matter how difficult that might be some days. I hope you get a chance to read it too.
Thanks for reading and if you are a Realtor, I hope you sign up for my Transitions IQ Workshop. I worked hard and relentlessly on my certification to bring you everything I know about change now and have a panel of peers who are either navigating change or have come through it beautifully that I promise we can all learn from.
XOXO,
Coach Diane